||[Jun. 5th, 2006|03:01 pm]
What the fuck is this?|
When I first got into Discordianism, my dad, a veteran of these sort of things, cynically proclaimed "None of the real Discordians call themselves Discordians any more. They're all pretending to be Fundamentalist Christians and people obsessed with Planet X." At the time, I didn't get what he was grabbing at, but now I do.
All "Discordians" who keep writing plagarisms of the Principia Discordia with the same jokes over and over, thinking it will be as funny the 500th time as it was the first time, are hereby exiled from the Maude Senger Cabal for a thousand eternities. Just because I can't get my shit together and actually do anything interesting, doesn't mean you are excused in doing so.
"He, She, or E?
The work promotes personism by the use of the word 'e' and its various forms as a genderless substitute for 'he' or 'she.'
e (pronounced the same as letter 'e;' rhymes with 'she' and 'he'): Used instead of “she” or 'he.' A person. Examples: E went to the store and bought a pineapple.
es (usually said to rhyme with 'his,' but can be pronounced 'eez'): Used instead of “her” or “his” as a possessor or agent. Example: Who tried to steal es pineapple?
em (rhymes with 'him' or 'm'): Substitute for 'her' or 'him' pronoun objective case. Example: When The Agents of Greyface tried to take it from em, e hit them with five tons of flax.
emself (rhymes with 'himself,' or can be pronounced to rhyme with the letter “m” and 'self'): Substitute for herself or himself; used reflexively, in absolute constructions and for emphasis. Examples: Did e throw the five tons all by emself? No, fool, e didn’t do it emself; e had help from a strong head wind. "
What the fuck? Since when is "Discordianism" shorthand for ineffectual liberal hippie crap? And there's more to Discordianism or dada or absurdism or surrealism or whatever you want to call it than just writing random nonsense. I mean, it was an interesting idea in the 1920s, but now, 80 years later, we're kind of used to it already. "FLYING PURPLE ELEPHANT CABBAGE FART SPACE JESUS!" OH MAN, I'M SO WITTY AND AVANT-GARDE! Especially if it's the same shit over and over again. "FIVE TONS OF FLAX!" MAN, REMEMBER 40 YEARS AGO WHEN THAT WAS FUNNY? Let go. Stop rehashing the same 35-year-old yippie plattitudes. It wasn't their intention to create a tiny ghetto of priviliged Internet hipsters who neophobically cling to the mantras of their parents' generations' rebellious figures. Make up something new for fuck's sake.
Speaking of ineffectual liberal crap:
"Five Basic Beliefs
The work adopted the 'Five Basic Beliefs' of The Loveshade Family. These are:
ONE: We believe in the rights of an individual to be treated as an individual by society.
TWO: We believe in the responsibility of the individual to society.
THREE: We believe in the rights of a child to be raised in a loving, supportive and disciplined manner to prepare that child for life, and in the responsibility of caregivers to provide that environment.
FOUR: We believe in personal freedom, in a free society, if it harms no one.
FIVE: We believe in the principle of discordia concurs or 'harmonic discord,' that accepting differences and conflicting elements to achieve harmony is greater than excluding differences to achieve unity."
Don't people realize how corny and hollow these vacuous, cliché liberal plattitudes are? The first four are just boring and trite, but the last, I can't make heads or tails of. What is "accepting differences and conflicting elements to achieve harmony"? I didn't know Discordianism was a manual for how to get ahead in business. "We believe in the rights of the individual to be treated as an individual by society"? To quote Hank Hill, "you're talking like a song from the Lion King". If you're going to spout rhetoric, how about at least making it interesting rhetoric, like "Firebomb the White House" or "Free Charles Manson". How about instead of "We believe in the rights of a child to be raised in a loving, supportive and disciplined manner to prepare that child for live, and in the responsibility of caregivers to provide that environment", your third principle could be "We believe in beating the shit out of people who yell at and hit their kids, and we are committed to teaching kids to burn down elementary schools and shoot pedophiles. We believe that yuppie scumbags that use toys, junk food, and television as a substitute for love are assholes who need a smack across the head." At least that actually says something. Hey, Loveshade Family, guess what, your kids are going to become College Republicans.
"According to several websites (some of which are listed below), an early version of the work was seized by authorities, and the Discordian Division of the Ek-sen-triks CluborGuild that created it was the subject of a national and possibly international investigation by the American Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and several other law enforcement and government agencies. This was for alleged crimes ranging from promoting child pornography and illegal drugs to sexual predation to consorting with terrorists. According to the work’s official website, the investigation stemmed from information on terrorism and the American government that the group gathered surreptitiously; postings and letters made after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack in America that claimed governments were a bigger threat to freedom than terrorists (including 'Stripping Away American Freedom: A Call to Action);' the group’s promotion of nudism for all ages, including children; and their stand against ageism, using “an arbitrary age” to determine when a person was old enough to drink alcohol, drive, raise children, and most controversial of all, engage in sexual activity. The site claims all investigations were eventually dropped, and all seized material was eventually returned by the FBI and other agencies."
And this comes to the brilliance of my dad's argument. Everyone knows "Discordian" just means "someone who likes to pull pranks". So trying to pull pranks while going around calling yourself a "Discordian" is just like signing all of your hoaxes as "THIS IS A HOAX". It's weak. Do you think if the FBI hassled every asshole who made comments on the Internet about how "OMG OUR FREEDOMS ARE BEING STRIPPED AWAY BY THE BU$H PATRIOT ACT NAZIS WHO DID 9/11Z0r", they'd have ever gotten around to you? If what you are advocating was actually "controversial" and actually attracted the attention of the federal government, Hakim Bey would be in Guantanamo, so shut up.
I nomianted this article for deletion, not because it's stupid and sullies the name of Discordianism, which it is and it does, but because it's one of a billion pointless vanity articles that Wikipedia doesn't need.